The past two days have been super rough! Everyone thing around me makes me want to shop...as in the weather, the cute new shoes and bags I see in stores and on the ads on my home page. I've taken my email address off of all the store's list so I wouldn't be tempted..that's not helping! I've realized that I have more control than I thought I did. Yesterday, at work, I needed hair bands because apparently these little guys really do have feet of their own! I got my cool new tanning mitt (a must) and simple chopsticks so I can pin my hair up when I don't have a hair tie near! I had a pile full of goodies and Leah told me I didn't need gloves because we have some in the back for cleaning, so she helped me on that one..I was a little reluctant on giving in, but she said "You're saving money!!!" and then Donnie's voice rang in my head "STOP SPENDING MONEY!" so I put them back and picked up eye makeup remover, did I really need this? NO! I have face wash at home and a bottle of makeup remover I got as a sample from work. I ended up spending under 10 bucks, my district manager would yell at me and tell me I made our average sale go down, well she can go trip over something because she shouldn't be bullying me for trying to heal! I caught myself wanting to go to Target and blow money like no other, just for some black shorts so I could wear them to school!
Friends, this wasn't easy for me to do. I took a breath, waved at Target as Mr. Smith and I drove past and said to myself, you aren't big enough to go in there alone.
I went home had a delicious dinner, got my nails done by my sister and worked out super hard to take my mind off of it. I got home and slept peacefully for once in a few months...is this my minor break through? I hope so!
Well, today I went a little crazy. I went to Target on my lunch break, I do have good reasons! Although I'm still not big enough to be in there by myself, I needed tubberware to organize my room and put Donnie's clothes in safekeeping while he's deployed, I grabbed him a few goodies for his package and myself some razors, I had a cart and I walked past the clothes.....I caught myself making up excuses for myself on why I would need a really cute top, a new bikini, new sandals, new bag, new jewelry. I was walking to the section (yes I was taken over) and I looked at my watch, 5 minutes left of my break!
Maybe it's fate helping me out or maybe picking out my tubberware actually took me 20 minutes, I won't know for a while. But I'm happy that it did, I would have easily spent $150 dollars in things I truly didn't need. I even found myself in my car afterwards saying what I would always say after a Target run "this is the last time!" I didn't need to say that to myself, I purchased what I needed and only that.
I want to make my weekend a victory for myself.
I went the whole weekend without shopping for unnecessary purchases.
I have a long time until I can go into Target and not shop---even the two girls at work today asked if I was good! It's a nice relief when you can say yes!
I can only take this addiction one day at a time and hope that it won't take over when my friends want to go Target. We will see my friends!
May my money never burn a hole in my pocket again, AMEN!
:)
Monday, June 6, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
My name is Meredith and I'm a shopaholic!
I've decided that since I wasn't able to find a decent therapy that blogging will suffice for NOW..or maybe it's my way of running away from the truth a therapist would bring? (hehe)
I'm going to tell all of you bloggers and lurkers a story of how I got to this place in my life, you will either like or dislike, I frankly do not care which way you choose. This is for me!
It began on a summer day when I opened my first credit card with Wells Fargo, I felt empowered. I didn't use it for months, I was scared. It all changed so quickly, I was visiting Utah for Alta's Sweethearts, my debit card was canceled due to "out of state purchases" (I never received a call telling me this..I had to call, hence my grudge towards WF) I used my card at Smith's, I was so angry at my bank for doing this to me when I knew I had put a lot of money into my account. It's the worst when that happens at check out, let's not lie. I pulled out my WF credit card, I took a breath and made my transaction at Self Checkout, so easy! I got a little bit of a high from knowing that it wasn't really my money I was spending, I didn't have to worry about it for approximately 30 days! My life was good and so my addiction began. Next, I went into Ross to find ANOTHER dress aside from the four I had originally brought from California. I "put it on my card" and forgot about it all. I figured, I deserve it! I had just survived an 18 hour train ride from norcal, of course I deserve a little fun money! This backfired on my so quickly, soon enough I made my weekly purchases everywhere, for nothing I ever truly needed. They call it the shoppers high--you go in knowing what you need, you come out with everything you didn't and never even got what you were even in there for. Soon enough, on my way home from my nanny job I'd make a pit stop TJMAXX...buying bags and shoes. Just bags and shoes. I did this everyday for 3 months, just tiny purchases, half credit half cash....I thought I was so smart.
It was summer time, I graduated highschool and I needed everything for "being away".
I love to shop, who doesn't? Who doesn't love the smell of a new bag, a new pair of shoes, the feel of brand new jeans on your legs and hugging your hips! The crinkling of the shopping bag as you carry it to your car, the smell of the inside as you tuck away secretly so nobody will know. The attention you get for having on a cute new article or having the best shoes there. I loved getting a new outfit for a party, or just a night out with the girls. I would get back from a trip, put my things out on my bed and just look at them, look at my closet, and then put them back in the bag and made a new spot for them on the floor where 10 other bags lay. I had no room for anything else in my temporary home in Saratoga. I figured, it's all getting packed in a box when I move to Utah anyways!
My shoppers high was ridiculous, I'd go out of a store and realize I needed gas...I just spent my gas money on a pair of cute jessica simpson heels, I told myself "this is the last pair! You need gas!" or "This is the last purchase until next paycheck" "You can work an extra day and fill up then" "Give gracie a ride and mom will help!"
Reality set in when I got three tickets, I spent roughly...$600 to pay them off. That's half the price of a MacBook.
I told myself, no more! But that credit card...was my best friend and worst enemy, my frienemy if you will.
I pay my tickets, move to Utah, The District where my apartment was right next to Target, Ross, Harmons, and a whole shopping center (AE, Buckle etc.) I ended up coming home with a Target bag everyday! My room was filled with ross and target bags. My sister told me I had a problem, I'd just make up an excuse. I had no money to be spending but I did anyways. I told myself it was a rough day at Massage Envy, this shirt will be my rough day shirt, these jeans will be for when I go out, these heels will be for when I go on a date, excuses excuses excuses!
I just couldn't get away from that shopper's high. I could never spend less than $60 at Target and $40 at Ross, my mind just wouldn't let me!
Long story short---
My boyfriend told me I had a problem if I blow a whole paycheck in two days.
I told him I didn't, and I bought things I needed,
I wear black all day every day, school and work, I didn't need new jeans from my job at Express, I didn't need a white t-shirt that didn't even look good on me. I just wanted them for a little rush in my bones.
If it wasn't for him, I would be dead broke right now with a lot of crap I don't need.
I returned everything I purchased before he deployed for 11 months, I got back $200 dollars, I just made back a lot of my paycheck. This was when I told myself--Meredith, you got a problem!
So here I am, resisting the urge.
I'll admit, I shopped on Friday, black pants and a cute cute shirt, I didn't spend more then $20, yes, I cheated but..at least I'm admitting it! So I have to start over on my count. It's been one day since I've shopped. I treated myself from working out and staying healthy with a new outfit..who wouldn't?! Then again, that's the shopaholic in me justifying it!
How long do you think I can go without another purchase?
No more purchases of things I don't need, no more purchases if I do not have room or do not need them.
This is my promise to myself and to my wonderful Marine.
I read "Confessions of a shopaholic" Years ago, thinking to myself I'd never do that!
Well everyone enjoy my journey that I share with you as I confess of being a true shopaholic!
May my money never burn a hole in my pocket ever again, amen!
I'm going to tell all of you bloggers and lurkers a story of how I got to this place in my life, you will either like or dislike, I frankly do not care which way you choose. This is for me!
It began on a summer day when I opened my first credit card with Wells Fargo, I felt empowered. I didn't use it for months, I was scared. It all changed so quickly, I was visiting Utah for Alta's Sweethearts, my debit card was canceled due to "out of state purchases" (I never received a call telling me this..I had to call, hence my grudge towards WF) I used my card at Smith's, I was so angry at my bank for doing this to me when I knew I had put a lot of money into my account. It's the worst when that happens at check out, let's not lie. I pulled out my WF credit card, I took a breath and made my transaction at Self Checkout, so easy! I got a little bit of a high from knowing that it wasn't really my money I was spending, I didn't have to worry about it for approximately 30 days! My life was good and so my addiction began. Next, I went into Ross to find ANOTHER dress aside from the four I had originally brought from California. I "put it on my card" and forgot about it all. I figured, I deserve it! I had just survived an 18 hour train ride from norcal, of course I deserve a little fun money! This backfired on my so quickly, soon enough I made my weekly purchases everywhere, for nothing I ever truly needed. They call it the shoppers high--you go in knowing what you need, you come out with everything you didn't and never even got what you were even in there for. Soon enough, on my way home from my nanny job I'd make a pit stop TJMAXX...buying bags and shoes. Just bags and shoes. I did this everyday for 3 months, just tiny purchases, half credit half cash....I thought I was so smart.
It was summer time, I graduated highschool and I needed everything for "being away".
I love to shop, who doesn't? Who doesn't love the smell of a new bag, a new pair of shoes, the feel of brand new jeans on your legs and hugging your hips! The crinkling of the shopping bag as you carry it to your car, the smell of the inside as you tuck away secretly so nobody will know. The attention you get for having on a cute new article or having the best shoes there. I loved getting a new outfit for a party, or just a night out with the girls. I would get back from a trip, put my things out on my bed and just look at them, look at my closet, and then put them back in the bag and made a new spot for them on the floor where 10 other bags lay. I had no room for anything else in my temporary home in Saratoga. I figured, it's all getting packed in a box when I move to Utah anyways!
My shoppers high was ridiculous, I'd go out of a store and realize I needed gas...I just spent my gas money on a pair of cute jessica simpson heels, I told myself "this is the last pair! You need gas!" or "This is the last purchase until next paycheck" "You can work an extra day and fill up then" "Give gracie a ride and mom will help!"
Reality set in when I got three tickets, I spent roughly...$600 to pay them off. That's half the price of a MacBook.
I told myself, no more! But that credit card...was my best friend and worst enemy, my frienemy if you will.
I pay my tickets, move to Utah, The District where my apartment was right next to Target, Ross, Harmons, and a whole shopping center (AE, Buckle etc.) I ended up coming home with a Target bag everyday! My room was filled with ross and target bags. My sister told me I had a problem, I'd just make up an excuse. I had no money to be spending but I did anyways. I told myself it was a rough day at Massage Envy, this shirt will be my rough day shirt, these jeans will be for when I go out, these heels will be for when I go on a date, excuses excuses excuses!
I just couldn't get away from that shopper's high. I could never spend less than $60 at Target and $40 at Ross, my mind just wouldn't let me!
Long story short---
My boyfriend told me I had a problem if I blow a whole paycheck in two days.
I told him I didn't, and I bought things I needed,
I wear black all day every day, school and work, I didn't need new jeans from my job at Express, I didn't need a white t-shirt that didn't even look good on me. I just wanted them for a little rush in my bones.
If it wasn't for him, I would be dead broke right now with a lot of crap I don't need.
I returned everything I purchased before he deployed for 11 months, I got back $200 dollars, I just made back a lot of my paycheck. This was when I told myself--Meredith, you got a problem!
So here I am, resisting the urge.
I'll admit, I shopped on Friday, black pants and a cute cute shirt, I didn't spend more then $20, yes, I cheated but..at least I'm admitting it! So I have to start over on my count. It's been one day since I've shopped. I treated myself from working out and staying healthy with a new outfit..who wouldn't?! Then again, that's the shopaholic in me justifying it!
How long do you think I can go without another purchase?
No more purchases of things I don't need, no more purchases if I do not have room or do not need them.
This is my promise to myself and to my wonderful Marine.
I read "Confessions of a shopaholic" Years ago, thinking to myself I'd never do that!
Well everyone enjoy my journey that I share with you as I confess of being a true shopaholic!
May my money never burn a hole in my pocket ever again, amen!
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