I've decided that since I wasn't able to find a decent therapy that blogging will suffice for NOW..or maybe it's my way of running away from the truth a therapist would bring? (hehe)
I'm going to tell all of you bloggers and lurkers a story of how I got to this place in my life, you will either like or dislike, I frankly do not care which way you choose. This is for me!
It began on a summer day when I opened my first credit card with Wells Fargo, I felt empowered. I didn't use it for months, I was scared. It all changed so quickly, I was visiting Utah for Alta's Sweethearts, my debit card was canceled due to "out of state purchases" (I never received a call telling me this..I had to call, hence my grudge towards WF) I used my card at Smith's, I was so angry at my bank for doing this to me when I knew I had put a lot of money into my account. It's the worst when that happens at check out, let's not lie. I pulled out my WF credit card, I took a breath and made my transaction at Self Checkout, so easy! I got a little bit of a high from knowing that it wasn't really my money I was spending, I didn't have to worry about it for approximately 30 days! My life was good and so my addiction began. Next, I went into Ross to find ANOTHER dress aside from the four I had originally brought from California. I "put it on my card" and forgot about it all. I figured, I deserve it! I had just survived an 18 hour train ride from norcal, of course I deserve a little fun money! This backfired on my so quickly, soon enough I made my weekly purchases everywhere, for nothing I ever truly needed. They call it the shoppers high--you go in knowing what you need, you come out with everything you didn't and never even got what you were even in there for. Soon enough, on my way home from my nanny job I'd make a pit stop TJMAXX...buying bags and shoes. Just bags and shoes. I did this everyday for 3 months, just tiny purchases, half credit half cash....I thought I was so smart.
It was summer time, I graduated highschool and I needed everything for "being away".
I love to shop, who doesn't? Who doesn't love the smell of a new bag, a new pair of shoes, the feel of brand new jeans on your legs and hugging your hips! The crinkling of the shopping bag as you carry it to your car, the smell of the inside as you tuck away secretly so nobody will know. The attention you get for having on a cute new article or having the best shoes there. I loved getting a new outfit for a party, or just a night out with the girls. I would get back from a trip, put my things out on my bed and just look at them, look at my closet, and then put them back in the bag and made a new spot for them on the floor where 10 other bags lay. I had no room for anything else in my temporary home in Saratoga. I figured, it's all getting packed in a box when I move to Utah anyways!
My shoppers high was ridiculous, I'd go out of a store and realize I needed gas...I just spent my gas money on a pair of cute jessica simpson heels, I told myself "this is the last pair! You need gas!" or "This is the last purchase until next paycheck" "You can work an extra day and fill up then" "Give gracie a ride and mom will help!"
Reality set in when I got three tickets, I spent roughly...$600 to pay them off. That's half the price of a MacBook.
I told myself, no more! But that credit card...was my best friend and worst enemy, my frienemy if you will.
I pay my tickets, move to Utah, The District where my apartment was right next to Target, Ross, Harmons, and a whole shopping center (AE, Buckle etc.) I ended up coming home with a Target bag everyday! My room was filled with ross and target bags. My sister told me I had a problem, I'd just make up an excuse. I had no money to be spending but I did anyways. I told myself it was a rough day at Massage Envy, this shirt will be my rough day shirt, these jeans will be for when I go out, these heels will be for when I go on a date, excuses excuses excuses!
I just couldn't get away from that shopper's high. I could never spend less than $60 at Target and $40 at Ross, my mind just wouldn't let me!
Long story short---
My boyfriend told me I had a problem if I blow a whole paycheck in two days.
I told him I didn't, and I bought things I needed,
I wear black all day every day, school and work, I didn't need new jeans from my job at Express, I didn't need a white t-shirt that didn't even look good on me. I just wanted them for a little rush in my bones.
If it wasn't for him, I would be dead broke right now with a lot of crap I don't need.
I returned everything I purchased before he deployed for 11 months, I got back $200 dollars, I just made back a lot of my paycheck. This was when I told myself--Meredith, you got a problem!
So here I am, resisting the urge.
I'll admit, I shopped on Friday, black pants and a cute cute shirt, I didn't spend more then $20, yes, I cheated but..at least I'm admitting it! So I have to start over on my count. It's been one day since I've shopped. I treated myself from working out and staying healthy with a new outfit..who wouldn't?! Then again, that's the shopaholic in me justifying it!
How long do you think I can go without another purchase?
No more purchases of things I don't need, no more purchases if I do not have room or do not need them.
This is my promise to myself and to my wonderful Marine.
I read "Confessions of a shopaholic" Years ago, thinking to myself I'd never do that!
Well everyone enjoy my journey that I share with you as I confess of being a true shopaholic!
May my money never burn a hole in my pocket ever again, amen!
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